Divorce Baggage

During a recent discussion of divorce baggage, a colleague mentioned that when he meets someone with divorce baggage he makes a mental note not to be their bellhop.  His attempt at humor actually makes a lot of sense.

According to relationship expert, Dr Pepper Schwartz, divorce baggage comes in the form of past emotional hurts that move with you.  If you had a bad divorce and cannot get over it, about five minutes after you meet someone, they know how badly you were treated, why your divorce was a damaging experience, and why you will have trouble trusting again.  They will hear a litany of complaints against your ex husband/wife that is laced with anger, and outrage.  This blameless listener, who has just sat down to have a cup of coffee with you, is now witness to the biggest trauma of your life.  And, they haven’t even known you 20 minutes.

Sadly, when couples engage in high conflict divorces their divorce baggage grows heavier and often they can scare away an emotionally healthy potential new mate who does not want to get sucked up into the drama.  It is totally understandable that awful events such as being left with all the bills or being cheated on are difficult to get over.  And, it’s tempting to want to get the anger and hurt off your chest. But, telling everyone and anyone is not the answer.  Bad things have to be put into historical perspective, rather than kept in the present.  Otherwise, potential partners will be afraid of inheriting headaches and problems they had nothing to do with.

At A Friendly Divorce our mediators are focused on helping couples move through the divorce process with as little heartache and angst as possible.  Before you retain an attorney or decide to go for your soon-to-be Ex’s jugular, please talk to one of our knowledgeable mediators.  We have offices in Orange Park, Jacksonville, Tampa, Boca Raton, Fort Myers, Tallahassee, Melbourne, Naples, Fort Lauderdale, Bradenton, and Winter Haven.