9 Tips To A Healthy Divorce

According to Candida Crewe’s recent article in The Guardian, even though current divorce law doesn’t help people remain friendly, it is still possible to divorce well. The following tips from her article have been edited for your reading pleasure:

1. Slow down. Reactive decisions are usually bad ones. If you feel wounded, don’t take any legal action until the hurt and fury have subsided.

2. Stay rational. Going through a separation is an emotional roller coaster. Do your best to put the emotions aside. Find a neutral party who can help you make sensible decisions.

3. Define your priorities. Most divorcing people want a way to keep their dignity and finances intact. An amicable divorce is often the best way to succeed as you move into the next chapter of your life.

4. Expect big changes to your lifestyle. Resentment about these changes can breed conflict and bitterness. Be patient with your process and with your partner – who is also dealing with adjustment challenges.

5. Don’t go celebrity. You don’t have to fight dirty to get the best result. Let your soon-to-be-ex know that you want to find solutions that work for both of you. Its difficult to argue with someone whose mantra is “I believe we can find a solution that works for both of us.”

6. Don’t listen to your friends. Turn to them for emotional support but remember that every marriage is different and every divorce is different. Just because friends think it is a good idea, doesn’t mean it is. Typically, our friend advisors focus on the here and now while it may be more important to look at the bigger, long term picture.

7. Be the bigger person. Even if your soon-to-be-ex is trying to play dirty, don’t take the bait. Yes, this is easier said than done, but ultimately, people who go tit-for-tat usually regret it later.

8. If you have children, be nice for their sake. In almost every circumstance it is in the children’s best interest for their parents to remain friendly.

9. Think about divorce before you get married. What will your life look like if things don’t work out? How will your partner behave under those circumstances? Every couple should have a prenuptial agreement – reality should not a romance killer. Beware! If your partner cannot talk about the issues while you are both wearing your pre-marital happy blinders, it will be very difficult to deal with the challenges of life once the hormone rush is gone.